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HAHA SUCKERS!

That’s what I think whenever I look at this card:

As you see from this 1990 Fleer trading card, someone actually traded for Bobby Hansen! Can you believe someone actually took him? Ok, so he wasn’t that bad, but consider that in trading Bobby Hansen, Eric Leckner and two picks to the Sacramento Kings (as part of the deal that sent former No. 1 overall pick Pervis Ellison to Washington), the Jazz got Jeff Malone. Jeff Malone gave the Jazz several solid seasons before being traded for the great Jeff Hornacek.

Today, we are beginning our look into the vault of Jazz history, starting with Bobby Hansen, who was a guard for the Utah Jazz between 1983 and 1990.

Drafted out of Iowa in 1983 in the third round of the Jazz, Hansen spent seven of his nine NBA seasons in Utah. His most famous game, though, came two years after the Jazz traded him to the Kings, and it came when he was sporting one of those ugly red uniforms of the Chicago Bulls.

In Game 6 of the 1992 NBA Finals, Phil Jackson, either inexplicably or ingeniously, subbed Bobby Hansen in for Michael Jordan with the Bulls down 15 at the start of the fourth quarter. Hansen hit a game-changing 3-pointer and then, seconds later, stole the ball, starting a furious Chicago rally that gave the Bulls their second championship. His 3-pointer has been rated as the fourth-greatest shot in Bulls’ history although that list seems to have originated in the mid-1990s. It was also the last shot Hansen attempted in the NBA.

After making the 1983 Jazz squad, Hansen played sparingly in his first two NBA seasons before becoming a starter in the 1985-86 season. He averaged just under 10 points per game in the next three seasons as the Stockton-to-Malone Era was just beginning to role.

Hansen may have been a rising star. But fate intervened at a New Year’s Eve party. It is for what happened at that party–and not what happened on the court–that keeps Hansen’s name in the minds of Jazz fans. Indeed, he is now more well-known in the Beehive State for being a punching bag than for being a sharpshooter.

Seldom-used Jazz guard Bart Kofoed knocked Bobby out.

Or at least, knocked out his eye socket. The two skirmished at the New Year’s eve party, and Kofoed’s deadly jab struck Hansen, shattering the aforementioned eye socket. Hansen missed over a month of action as a result (Kofoed was released). Hansen was never the same thereafter, noticeably declining in subsequent seasons.

Prior to joining the Jazz, Hansen, as a freshman, helped lead Iowa, under the direction of Lute Olson, to the Final Four. The Hawkeyes, the fifth seed in the East, knocked Virginia Commonwealth, N.C. State, Syracuse and Georgetown to earn their spot in the national semifinal. In the Final Four, Iowa fell to eventual national champion Louisville, which was led by the tournament’s most outstanding player and future Jazz teammate of Hansen’s, Darrell Griffith.

Just a year prior, Hansen led his high school team, Dowling High School, to the Iowa state championship.

Those two years may have been the most successful years Hansen had as a basketball player.

In high school and college, he was amazing; as a pro, he was so-so. His nine-year NBA career, however, was profitable, as he earned $3.2 million over his nine years in the NBA. He started out making $65,000 for the Jazz and finished by making $600,000 with the Bulls. The Jazz paid him $2 million over the course of seven years.

Aside from the fight, Hansen had only a few other memorable moments while playing in Utah.

In 1986, Hansen turned down an opportunity to join the 3-point contest an NBA All-Star weekend because he was getting married that weekend.

He also hit 15 straight shots in the 1986 playoffs.

He was also listed by NBA Hoopsonline as the 27th best player in Jazz History. But it’s a pretty crappy list. See for yourself: http://www.nbahoopsonline.com/teams/UtahJazz/Articles/top50.html.

How is Jeff Malone ahead of Jeff Hornacek?

Anyhow, we’ll be righting that wrong here in a few weeks.

But Bobby Hansen remains entrenched as the starter on the teams that helped establish the Jazz in the state of Utah. That, and as well as Bart Kofoed’s punch, will be his lasting legacy.

I had been looking forward to this show, but I only caught one segment–and it highlighted players from the 2004 team who were on the 2008 team–Carmelo, Dwayne, and LeBron.

But no Carlos. Unquestionably, this was no mere oversight. This was an intentional exclusion to highlight three SportsCenter stars. Now, I don’t deny Dwayne Wade and LeBron James have earned their right to be in the spotlight, but ever since leading Syracuse to a national title in ‘03, what has ‘Melo done?

CARMELO ANTHONY IS THE MOST OVERRATED PLAYER IN THE NBA.

I had to write that in bold and in all caps because the message is not getting through, despite subpar season after subpar season in Colorado. And as Denver sits on the verge of no longer being a playoff team (Yes, Denver will not make the playoffs in 2009; you read it here first–they simply will be unable to beat out the Trail Blazers and either the Warriors or Clippers, depending on who gets Brand; and don’t forget this all happening with the “dream pairing” of AI and Melo … sorry, AI, you straight up got traded to a stinker), Carmelo, occupying a place on a team on which he doesn’t deserve to be, is getting serious face time on ESPN. Meanwhile, Deron Williams, a legitimate star, can occasionally be seen in the background. And Carlos Boozer, who should have been interviewed along with those guys, … well, he is basically forgotten.
ONE OTHER NOTE: The show also shows Kobe Bryant telling how moved he was to finally put on a USA jersey, a supposed long-time dream of his. Yeah, it was so a long-time dream and so personally important that he has flaked off the Dream Team his entire career! What a bunch a crap! This is 2,030,232nd reason to hate Kobe Bryant.

Hello! We traded for you to make threes! 0-6? Really? I’m amazed you could even jack up that many in Jerry Sloan’s system, let alone miss all of them.

§  Show up to play tomorrow, Jazz.

 

§  “Skip To My Lou” became “Kiss Guys Named Carl.” Carl didn’t like it all. Do you think there’s so awkward sexual tension between Landry and Alston in the locker room now?

 

§  If I were going to make a sign and take it to the game tonight, it would say: “Hey, Alston and Landry, get a room!” Alston would totally play the woman in that relationship. We should start calling him “Skip to My Louise”

 

§  According to media reports, there is only guy playing in this series: T-Mac. Despite playing against no one, he has managed to lose two games. Wow. He must suck.

 

§  Did you hear the Houston radio call of that final play? Even the Rockets’ broadcaster thought they were beaten on that last play. I woke up today in disbelief. Does anyone else remember a time D-Will blew a game-winning layup at the ESA? Then I went downstairs to eat my Cheerios and who was on my milk carton? Carlos Boozer. Seems he’s been missing since the regular season ended.

 

§  The Jazz should have called timeout. That final play was totally discombobulated, especially when Korver got trapped in the corner.

 

§  So who gets the blame? Sloan’s team was certainly coasting throughout the game, and it bit them. And, hopefully, this is a tough lesson that sticks with the young team. Perhaps D-Will and Booze just didn’t exemplify intensity correctly prior to Game 3. Tracy McGrady no doubt messed up someone’s beverage order in the stands (how do you confuse Sprite for root beer?); he’s such a ditz. … I blame the protestors outside Energy Solutions Arena. Yes, the Rockets are from Texas, but I don’t think any of them have anything to do with FLDS raid. Except McGrady—he’s to blame. Depending on how you see the issue, McGrady is either (A) the one stomping the Constitution to death by denying the FLDS their Constitutional right to due process in whisking children away from their mothers on the basis of a hoax phone call, or (B) the one who arranged for 35-year-olds to marry their 13-year-old cousins resulting in kids that look like Scola and have the intellectual impairment of Adelman. Personally, I think McGrady shoulders the blame for both sides. … Seriously, though, why protest the Jazz game? I know it’s publicity. But, seriously, don’t distract our fans. The fans were subpar in Game 2, just like our team. These protests are killing our playoff momentum. So protestors: move John Stockton Drive in SLC and instead relocate to Dave Winfield Boulevard in Colorado City.

 

§  Explaining that last comment: Winfield was charged with bigamy in the early 1990s.

 

§  I’ve had a good time poking fun at McGrady for his blame-me-for-everything interview. But let’s be honest, it’s not like he majored in logic at college … or even took a college class, so we got allow him some stupid comments. And also cut him some leeway for not being a team player.

 

§  We went for a near-guaranteed to sweep to what now looks like it will be a six-game series. But we absolutely have to take care of business at home.

 

§  Whatever happened to Ben Handlogten?

Thoughts from Game Two

 

§  This series as good as over.

 

§  So much for Clutch City.

 

§  On ESPN radio after the game, host Jason Smith said he was forever banning anyone from calling Tracy McGrady a “superstar” on his show because McGrady complained he had no legs to go in the fourth quarter of the second game of the series against a “fresh Kirilenko.” It’s an excuse; and it’s a poor one. And it’s the excuse of a beaten man with no answers. I could go off on T-Mac’s leadership again here (he also took swipes at teammate Luther Head’s shooting and Adelman’s decision to not play someone named Novak), but I won’t. Because I’d prefer to talk about something that actually matters.

 

§  So T-Mac is out as superstar. A new NBA superstar emerged in Houston the night T-Mac’s flimsy claim to that title flickered out. Deron Williams is a superstar. Clearly, he is a better player than T-Mac. He’s beaten him now twice in the playoffs precisely because Deron knows how to step up his game in crunch time. Despite a sore bottom and despite absorbing a clearly dirty cheap shot by Aaron Brooks, D-Will willed his team to the win. He was money down the stretch, while T-Mac disappeared, disintegrated, dissolved.

 

§  ESPN is making a big deal over the call on Scola for fouling Andrei just before Bobby Jackson hit a three-point. I’ll admit Andrei flopped somewhat, but it’s not like he wasn’t touched. Kirilenko was chasing after the man with the ball when Scola reached across his body from behind and clearly grabbed AK by the abdomen. It stopped AK’s progress and allowed the pass to be made unhindered. It gave the Rockets a clear advantage, flop or no flop. It was the right call. Adelman and T-Mac can use it for an excuse if they want; but it’s time for those two to stop finding excuses and start finding ways to win. Here’s a hunch: The Rockets will keep losing and keep finding someone else to blame.

 

§  Is ESPN even aware the Jazz played tonight? They seem to know that the Rockets lost, but do they know to whom the Rockets lost?

 

§  I’m a little sick of this. The Jazz win two games, and after both games, ESPN focuses its attention on the Rockets’ failures and not the Jazz victory. Some good news on that front: No more Rockets stories on ESPN after Friday.

 

§  It’s time though for the Jazz to get some love. After reaching the conference finals last year and the second round this season in the extremely tough West, it’s time for people to recognize the Jazz as one of the league’s elite teams.

 

§  Do you think Jeff Van Gundy is happy that the Rockets are losing?

 

§  The Jazz won tonight despite Carlos not playing his best. Another sign of how completely better the Jazz are than the Rockets.

 

§  Memo was huge tonight; it was clear early that he came to win. After both he and Brewer played unspectacularly on Saturday, both players responded. Brewer has a jaw-dropping dunk in the first half. But Memo came with a determination to rebound that was sorely needed. His 16 points and 16 blocks were really valuable.

 

§  Go Nuggets! Obviously, the Nuggets would be easier to beat than L.A. We own Denver. The problem is the Lakers do too (and for that matter any other viable Western Conference “owns” the Nuggets; the AI and ‘Melo experiment looks much better on paper than it ever has on the court). Realistically, all we can hope is that Denver forces a sixth game so the Jazz can have some extra rest.

 

§  Loved Ronnie Price’s 3-pointer.

 

§  Just minutes prior to the game, I was asked to make a prediction. I said, “Jazz in six.” After watching Game One, I now realize I was giving the Rockets too much credit. If it goes six, I would be surprised. I think it will likely be  a sweep. Here are the scenarios and the chance that scenario will come true:

 

Ø  Jazz in four: 50 percent

Ø  Jazz in five: 25 percent

Ø  Jazz in six: 23.9 percent

Ø  Jazz in seven: 1 percent

Ø  Rockets win the series: 0.1 percent

 

For those of you not good at math, I am giving the Rockets a one in 1,000 chance of winning this series. It just isn’t going to happen.

 

§  The Jazz are great because of their variation. Kirilenko played well, but Millsap and Korver were the story here. The Jazz took off in the second quarter when Millsap’s hustle put points on the board. And Utah put Houston away in the second half when Korver started connecting on threes.

 

§  Meanwhile, the Jazz had steady but not spectacular performances from Deron Williams and Carlos Boozer. They both got double-doubles, but offensively they are capable of playing much better. Okur was substandard. Harpring wasn’t great. Ronnie Price did very little. Overall, the Jazz won, but they didn’t play the best. Rather than being a negative, this should be taken as a sign that the Rockets are simply overmatched; the Jazz played a mediocre game and still won by double digits on the road.

 

§  Rick Adelman was not an upgrade from Jeff Van Gundy. Another year, the same result.

 

§  Tracy McGrady is not a good leader for a franchise. Last year, he wanted it to be all on him; this year, he wants it to be all on his teammates. He sees the writing on the wall. His postgame press conference sounded more like the beginning of the excuse for this year’s first round disappointment rather than the a player determined to win Game Two. Expect T-Mac to put in an off-season trade request, like he did after playoff failures in Toronto and Orlando began to mount.

 

§  In all honesty, it’s a bit of shame because T-Mac hasn’t gotten out of the first round. He is simply a victim of playing in the Western Conference. In the East, one great player is all that is needed to contend for the conference. If the Rockets were in the East, they would have definitely won the conference last year and probably the few years before because one good player (LeBron James) was enough to win the East last season. The Rockets have two good players (McGrady and Yao). That would have been enough to win the East (but not this year, since the Celtics upped the ante by having two great players in Ray Allen and Kevin Garnett and a decent but overrated star in Paul Pierce). In the West, however, you need a great team. The Spurs have the best team in basketball—three good players in Duncan, Parker and the disgusting Manu Ginobili. And other guys who play their role well. The Suns have a good team—even after altering their landscape dramatically mid-season by acquiring Shaq. The Jazz have a good team; they have their two stars and great role players who made the difference in the game. The Rockets have a couple good role players in Battier and Alston, but not a complete team. In fact, you can sense the fissures when McGrady speaks.

 

§  Can Scola fall down anymore?

 

§  Seriously, what is wrong with Argentinian players? It seems like Ginobili and Scola’s best move is falling to the ground and then looking incredulously at the referee? This, however, may be symptomatic of players from soccer-playing countries as a whole (see Vlade Divac). Soccer is 80 percent acting, 20 percent skill. Soccer players dive to get penalty kicks (the equivalent of a 50-point free throw) or to get a player on the other team sent off (when a player is ejected, his team plays the rest of the game a man down). With such rich incentives for flopping, soccer is plagued by horrendous acting trying as players try to earn those teams that extreme advantage. In the last World Cup, for example, the United States soccer team lost to Ghana because a Ghana player’s flop in the box earned a penalty kick that was converted for the winning goal; the U.S. also tied Italy—the eventual world champs, but it was a game the U.S. should have won, but two Americans, including former Real Salt Lake star Eddie Pope, were sent off because of Italian diving. Diving is, therefore, built in as a stratagem in soccer. It naturally follows, therefore, that basketball players from those countries exhibit the same tendencies.

 

§  Scola, though, is particularly annoying. You know how in the course of a playoff series, fans just develop a natural antipathy for an opposing player? It took me one game to develop that for Scola—and that was Monday’s regular season game. That antipathy last night blossomed in full-out seething hatred. Stand up and play like a man, Scola!

 

§  Still, I have to say this about Scola—it’s not even fair to categorize him in the same category as flopping as Ginobili. He’s the king! There was a moment I saw in the Spurs-Suns game where Ginobili shot a three-pointer and a Suns player swatted at the ball, but missed Ginobili by a good six inches. Ginobili still fell down and groused to the referee. I told this to one of my friends who’s a Spurs fan, and he started arguing the point. I mean, how in denial can you be?

 

The Jazz are not a title contender this year. It breaks my heart to say that, but I’d be ignoring the facts if I said they were.

Here are the facts:

- In the biggest game of the year, the Jazz got walloped. They played heartlessly, uninspired basketball. It’s clear they can’t beat the Spurs or anyone other playoff-tested team. Last year, their two playoffs win came against teams that aren’t known for their playoff success–Golden State and Houston. If the Jazz had won yesterday, it would have been smooth sailing to the conference Finals, as they’d be in the Phoenix, Dallas and New Orleans bracket.

Fortunately, the schedule gives the Jazz another first-round victory over Houston and a winnable series against LA, but the Jazz haven’t been overly successful against the Lakers this year. Honestly, I think LA and San Antonio are the only teams that could beat the Jazz in the West. But the Jazz managed to play themselves into a scenario whereby they will likely have to beat both teams to win the Western Conference.

- The Spurs. The Jazz can’t beat them. Realistically, they can’t get to even a sixth game against the Spurs. And, yes, San Antonio is going to beat Phoenix, and they’ll beat the Mavericks (who will beat the Hornets).

- The road record. The Jazz didn’t get homecourt, which is horrific considering how the Jazz play on the road.

Realistically, the best case scenario for Utah may be another trip to the conference finals. More realistically, they’ll probably be out after the second round.

WISHFUL THINKING

Somehow, they reach the conference finals and do not have to play the Spurs; then they’d win the conference. In the East, Detroit upsets Boston, and the Jazz are then facing a team they haven’t lost to since the 2004-05 season for the NBA championship. There are too many variables and too many unlikely scenarios in this wish for it to be a reality.

A year later, same result: Jazz are the four seed; the Rockets the five, but the Rockets will have home court.

Hate to break your heart, Rocket fans: It won’t matter. Jazz will get one of the first two in Houston, and hold their own at home. Really, my biggest dilemma right now is deciding whether the Jazz can win Game 5 in Houston or if they’ll have to wait until Game 6 in Salt Lake City to close out the Rockets.

So what has changed:

The 2008 Rockets = The 2007 Rockets + Louis Scola – Yao Ming + two other marginally talented rookies.

The Rockets are down from last season.

The 2008 Jazz = The 2007 Jazz – Derek Fisher + Ronnie Price + Kyle Korver + improved play of Ronnie Brewer.

The Jazz are up from last season.

I’ll say Jazz in five.

The Lakers in Round Two are going to be tough. I think the Jazz might meet their demise their, simply because they won’t have home court. But it just takes one win in LA to get it. I think the Jazz are the better team, so I’m going to say, though somewhat trepidly, in six.

If the Jazz face the Spurs in the conference Finals, it’s over. They can’t beat San Antonio in San Antonio, as we were brutally reminded of tonight.

But if the Jazz face anyone else, the Jazz are going to the Finals. Our best hope is Phoenix upsetting San Antonio in the first round, which could happen. But likely won’t.

So I’ll say the Jazz go to the conference finals.

That will make this a good season.

Deron Williams missed out on the All-Star game this year when it was held mid-season. But if it were held at the end of the season, would he be an All-Star?

Here was the lineup for the Western Conference in the 2008 All-Star Game:

THE STARTERS

Allen Iverson
Kobe Bryant
Carmelo Anthony
Tim Duncan
Yao Ming

RESERVES

Carlos Boozer
Steve Nash
Dirk Nowitzki
Chris Paul
Brandon Roy
Amare Stoudemire
David West

Now that the season is (mostly) in the books, any sensible person would have to say that Deron is more deserving of an All-Star appearance than the following players: Allen Iverson, Carmelo Anthony, Yao Ming, Brandon Roy, Amare Stoudemire and David West. You could certainly argue that he is also more deserving than Steve Nash and even teammate Carlos Boozer.

To make this point even further, if I were filling out an MVP ballot, strictly from Western Conference teams, this is where I would rank them from 1 to 10.

1. Chris Paul
2. Kobe Bryant
3. Tim Duncan
4. Deron Williams
5. Dirk Nowitzki
6. Steve Nash
7. Tracy McGrady
8. Carlos Boozer
9. Baron Davis
10. Brandon Roy

Notice the lack of Nuggets on this roster. The Nuggets are the most overhyped team. They have done nothing; they are nothing. They’ve never been out of the first round in the Carmelo Era. And here’s the hard truth, Nugget fans: They never will. You heard it here first: Carmelo Anthony will never play in the second round of the playoffs unless he leaves Denver. Yet Stephen A. Smith, the rodeo clown of NBA commentators, chose the Nuggets to win the West. Other buffoons hyped the Anthony-Iverson connection, which was a woeful failure a year ago and an even more spectacular trip up this season. This unbased hype led to the horrifying selections of Anthony and Iverson as starters. Neither one should have been an All-Star.

If this were purely performance-based, the lineup would look like this:

STARTERS

PG: Chris Paul
SG: Kobe Bryant
SF: Tracy McGrady
PF: Dirk Nowitzki
C:  Tim Duncan

RESERVES

Deron Williams
Steve Nash
Carlos Boozer
Brandon Roy
Baron Davis
Amare Stoudemire
Kevin Durrant
The Accursed Manu Ginobili

Clearly, the Paul-Bryant-T’Mac-Dirk-Duncan lineup would crush the Iverson-Bryant-Anthony-Duncan-Ming lineup. This lineup has a lot of guards, but the West is stacked there, and they’re all All-Star worthy. And while Deron is a better player than Chris Paul, Paul ranks ahead of Deron simply because Paul is more vital to the Hornets’ success this season. Over time, though, expect many to come to accept that the Jazz made the right choice selecting Deron, especially when you count up the rings the Jazz will have 10 years from now (three) to the Hornets (zero).

I noticed that Jazz players rank pretty high in my fantasy league, an league built on five stats category: points, assists, blocks, steals and rebounds. The rankings are based on the players who would give you the best statlines in these categories. Clearly, this shows that the 2007-08 season is a good year to have a Jazz player on your team, as you can see from the actual rank of the Jazz players:

Carlos Boozer #10
Andrei Kirileno #11 (once again a fantasy star)
Ronnie Brewer #17
Deron Williams #22
Mehmet Okur #72

Gordan Giricek #124
Paul Millsap #138
Matt Harpring #187
C.J. Miles #271
Jarron Collins #287
Jason Hart #338
Morris Almond #339
Ronnie Price #365
Kyrylo Fesenko #388

The Jazz have four (Boozer, Kirilenko, Brewer and Williams) of the 22 best fantasy players in the league. This makes the Jazz the best team from which to own a fantasy player in the league, as only a couple of other teams even have two players in the Top 25 (Phoenix: Shawn Marion #3, Steve Nash #18, one behind Brewer; Denver; AI #4 and Marcus Camby #7; Boston: Kevin Garnett #5, Ray Allen #21, Orlando: Dwight Howard #20, Rashard Lewis #9, Houston: Yao Ming #2, Tracy McGrady #18, Cleveland: LeBron James #10, Daniel Gibson #22).

So the Jazz by far are the best fantasy team from which to choose a fantasy player, as they have four of the top 25 players in the league, and no other team even has three of the top 25 fantasy players.

But let’s look at this another way. There are 30 teams in the league. Everything being equal, a team’s best player would occupy one of the top 30 spots in the league. They’re second-best player one of the spots from 31 to 60, and their third best player, a spot from 61 to 90 and so on. Using that logic, where do the Jazz players, on average, rank:

#1 PLAYER ON AN AVERAGE TEAM

Boozer
Kirilenko
Brewer
Williams

#3 PLAYER ON AN AVERAGE TEAM

Okur

#5 PLAYER ON AN AVERAGE TEAM

Giricek

#6 PLAYER ON AN AVERAGE TEAM

Millsap

#9 PLAYER ON AN AVERAGE TEAM

Miles
Collins

#11 PLAYER ON AN AVERAGE TEAM

Hart
Almond

#12 PLAYER ON AN AVERAGE TEAM

Price

#13 PLAYER ON AN AVERAGE TEAM

Fesenko

This shows us some very important things. First, the Jazz starting five is very, very good from a fantasy standpoint. To have four No. 1s in one team’s starting five means all four of those players have to be versatile and good at all five categories or good in a couple and outstanding in another. That fits all four players, and shows why the Jazz have a very versatile starting five. The exception is Okur, who is good points scorer, who will get some rebounds (but not enough). Still, he’s a #3 player on an average team.

These results also are telling about the bench, as they suggest Millsap and Giricek are good options off the bench, but beyond that the options are not so great, which is hardly a surprise. The Jazz have seven really good players, some with some big potential, and then they have Jason Hart and Jarron Collins. These statistics may be the most condemning of Hart, who despite playing in every game is considered just as valuable as Almond, who has barely played at all this year. This confirms the Jazz fan’s thoughts that Hart is more valuable watching than playing.