This is in response to a comment made on the previous article. You can read it, but it was written by the one person who can actually read in Colorado, so it’s very unintelligible and not worth reading. But it was so easy to prove wrong, I couldn’t help myself.

Yes, you are “right”–it sure is “boring” to watch my team win consecutive Northwest Division title; it sure is “boring” to watch my team actually advance in the playoffs; it sure is “boring” to watch a team that averages over 100 points per game in the regular season; it sure is “boring” to watch my team humiliate Denver when they play the Nuggets. Also, it was pretty “boring” to see the Jazz twice in the NBA finals in the late 1990s–a place the Nuggets have never gone (In fact, Denver has only been to the conference finals twice since joining the NBA vs. the six trips the Jazz have made).

See, it’s your kind of thinking that makes the Nuggets, well, the Nuggets, a team that has consistenly been inferior to the Jazz ever since the Jazz relocated to Salt Lake. You think, “Carmelo’s one of the Top 5 scorers in the league; therefore, he must be one of the five best players in the league.” Well, any ballhog can score. The measure of a truly great player is whether he makes his teammates better and whether he succeeds in the playoffs. Does Carmelo Anthony make his teammates better? No. His team is a bunch of underachievers; a lot of nice pieces who combine to suck. While it’s true Carmelo and the Nuggets have made the playoffs every year since he got there, look at what his team has done in the playoffs.

2004: Lost to Minnesota, 4-1
2005: Lost to San Antonio 4-1.
2006: Lost to the L.A. Clippers 4-1. The Clippers?! How do you lose to the Clippers?! And that badly?!
2007: Lost to San Antonio 4-1.
2008: Lost to the L.A. Lakers, 4-0.

Combined record: 4-20 or a winning percentage of .167. Wow! You Nugget fans must be so proud! It sounds like Carmelo Anthony really steps up in the playoffs. In fact, I heard A-game is short for Anthony-game. And despite going through a few rebuilding seasons in which Andrei Kirilenko was our best player, the Jazz have appeared in the Conference Finals during that period.

In fact the last time the Nuggets won a playoff series was in 1994 when Carmelo Anthony was 10 years old and thousands of miles away from the franchise he would one day ruin. The Jazz, by contrast, have won 15 playoff series in that span. I could go on, pointing out that the Jazz have won seven division titles to your two, and that Stockton-to-Malone and now Williams & Boozer have worked out much, much better than Iverson & ‘Melo ever have or ever will or how the Jazz have had just one losing season since 1983 compared to 13 for the Nuggets or how the Jazz have missed the playoffs just three times in that span against the Nuggets’ 11 misses or how when the Jazz won 64 games in 1998, the Nuggets won 11 (which makes the Nuggets’ 17-65 record in 2003 look like a winning season! … the good news is that compared to the 1998 team’s winning percentage of .134, the Nuggets’ playoffs winning percentage of .167 in the ‘Melo Era is actually not completely awful) or how the Jazz have eight division titles to Denver’s three in that span or or how the Jazz winning percentage since 1983 is about 20 points higher than the Nuggets or any other of a million statistics that proves thoroughly, exhaustibly and inarguably how much better the Utah Jazz franchise is than the one on the other side of the Rockies. You might as well be arguing that downtown Baghdad is a better place to visit than Honolulu.

So take your bet? Nah, I won’t. Not because the Nuggets will make the playoffs (they won’t; the West is too good especially with Portland and the Clippers on the rise; AI is aging, ‘Melo is not improving and the rest of their team plays sloppily), and not because it’s immoral and illegal (which it is), and not because gambling leads to people having to downgrade where they live (and, therefore, have to live in a hellhole like Colorado when they could be living in a heaven like Utah). But because you’ve suffered enough. After all, Dikembe Mutombo is one of the all-time greatest players ever to slip on a Nuggets uniform.

That’s when you know your franchise sucks.

So enjoy the $1,000 I’m letting you keep, and also enjoy watching the Clippers become a better franchise. In the meantime face the reality: Carmelo Anthony is a cheap, less effective knockoff of Tracy McGrady: He can score, but he can’t win.

P.S. Why are you such a big fan of armpit hair?